How To Make A Long- Distance Relationship Work!

Let’s chat about how to make a long-distance relationship work! This is a topic that I might be somewhat of an expert on. I mentioned in a previous post called How To Start a Great Online Relationship, that my husband and I met online. He was living in Georgia and I lived in Delaware and then Philadelphia. The first year of our relationship was long-distance. Years before I met my husband, I had a boyfriend in college who lived over an hour away from me. We stayed together for almost 3 years. I guess in order for me to be in a relationship long term my guy had to be far away from me, lol.

Take it from me, these types of relationships can be extremely challenging, especially when you are trying to get to know someone. When you really like someone all you want to do is spend as much time as possible with them, even see that person’s face on a consistent basis. This was the difficult part for me not being able to say, “Hey let’s go on a date today.” But I am here to make this a little easier for you. I’m going to give you some tips below.

Relationship Tip 1: Be mindful of your schedules

My husband and I had very different schedules, we still do. So, when it came to talking on the phone we had to really schedule those times. Even our sleep schedules are different. He was a morning person and he had to be at work early. But, the job that I had I didn’t have to be there until 12 pm. So what we did was text each other in the morning and when I was on a break. We would talk when I got off of work. We really tried to make communication a priority as well as our schedules. Whatever you two decide to do make sure it works for both parties.

Relationship Tip 2: Make sure you both are on the same page

If you’re investing time in your long-distance relationship you two should be on the same page. When we started our relationship the intent was made clear the goal was eventually marriage. We had that conversation as soon as we decided that we wanted there was a mutual interest in each other. It would be wise for you to do the same. It’s best to be upfront and open with one another about what direction your relationship is going. Being on the same page will lessen the chance of heartache due to one party believing one thing and the other party believing something else. You want to keep this conversation going continuously so you don’t lose focus of your relationship goals.

Relationship Tip 3: Take a trip

It’s so easy to rely on technology to stay connected. You can’t develop much of a relationship by just spending your time using technology. So when scheduling your conversations, you also want to schedule times where you meet up with one another. We settled on seeing each other once a month. Boy, I couldn’t wait until that time came. I missed my husband so much during those in-between times.

Each month we would alternate about who would go where. So, one month I went to Georgia and the next month he would come to Philly. That just worked for us but you can decide on how frequently you will visit each other. Maybe one of the times you see each other you can take a trip. Mixing up the scenery is always a good idea.

Relationship Tip 4: Have meaningful conversations

When you first get with someone whether they live near you or far from you the conversations are sweet and lighthearted just talking about the possibilities. When you are in a long distanced relationship those types of conversations have to be limited. The reason why is you have to make a little more effort to get to know one another. You realize that your time is precious then your conversations will be too. Meaningful conversations are how you build a strong foundation. Strong foundations are essential when cultivating a relationship long-distance.

Relationship Tip 5: Know your partner’s routine

I know I just told you to have meaningful conversations but you must find out each other’s routines as well. This is all part of getting to know one another. My husband knew the time I woke up and was out of the door for work. He knew what my day consisted of and the same went for me. We knew so much about the other’s routine that when we strayed from it we knew immediately that something might be wrong. Don’t think of this as not being important or boring. Think of sharing your routines as bringing your significant other into your life. It could end up feeling like you are part of each other’s daily lives. This will help you two feel closer together.

Relationship Tip 6: Have Fun

The times you are together physically keep it light and fun. You don’t want that time to be too scheduled. Leave room for the unpredictable. I’m not saying don’t plan to do things but don’t have a schedule that’s so jammed packed. What we used to do was talk about what we were going to do when we got to the other’s house. Now beforehand we would have a small discussion about potential activities we would do once we were together. There was an understanding that we needed to leave room for us to do other things. You want to be able to have time for pillow talk and relish in each other’s presence. If you get into an argument, settle it right away. You don’t want to waste your time arguing when you can be enjoying each other.

Relationship Tip 7: Be honest

If things are not going the way you would like them to and you’re unhappy, tell them. There is no point leading anyone on if the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. When you are in a long distanced relationship you do not have the luxury to let things just play out and see what happens. You don’t want to put your life on hold either. Continue to have a social life and live life. Do not stop being who you are because you feel bad for not having fun with your long distanced love. This goes for any relationship, don’t beat yourself up for what isn’t going right. Have a heart to heart with your significant other and discuss what your problems are. Figure out what the two of you are going to do about your relationship. If you are going to make it work then work on it. If you are not going to work on it then go your separate ways. Whatever you do be honest with each other.

Relationship Tip 8: Be positive

This is where some cognitive reframing comes into play. (See how I threw some psychology terms at you lol). I had to trick myself into this very thinking that I am about to share with you. Instead of looking at your relationship as being a stressor because you can’t be with your love. Think about your relationship as a way to help you grow. Or you can try and think of it as a stepping stone to one day being with your love full time. Think about how being away makes you more appreciative of when you are with each other again. The main point is to stay positive about your situation.

Relationship Tip 9: What’s next

This is an extension of having meaningful conversations. This is where you will talk about your future. Ask questions about relocation? When we did this the conversation came close to the end of our first year together. One of us had to make a decision about who was going to relocate. It came down to me relocating because my husband has a daughter that he didn’t want to move away from. Plus, I wanted to move to Atlanta before I even met him. So our decision was pretty easy. But, you want to have this conversation because eventually one of you is going to want to move. We really got tired of going back and forth once a month. Not to mention the trips started to become expensive.

Relationship Tip 10: Trust

One thing that you have to have is trust in this type of relationship. In this relationship, you will have to rely heavily on trust because you don’t get to see your partner on a daily basis. Your mind can definitely play tricks on you when you’re apart from your love. You have to trust that they’re doing right by you and they have to trust that you are doing right by them. Can you trust your partner with big and small problems? Will they be there for you when it matters most to you? You also have to trust that they will pay attention to everything that you share with them. Trust will be a very big factor in your relationship so make sure you build it from the beginning.

I hope this post was helpful to you. Know that long-distance relationships can and do work. You just have to do the work for the relationship to go the distance. Don’t forget to trust, love, and have fun in your relationship.

Genesis 2:18 NCV Then the Lord God said, “It’s good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.”

Let me know how you make your long-distance relationship work. You can find me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @itsashleyjw. Stay tuned to my YouTube channel It’s Ashley J.’s where I will talk about this topic more in-depth.

Thanks for chatting!